The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage
31 Dec 2010 | The New York Times
A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage.
Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children,
religion or other practical reasons.
But for many couples, it's just not enough to stay together.
They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In
short, they want a sustainable marriage.
"The things that make a marriage last have more to do with
communication skills, mental health, social support, stress - those
are the things that allow it to last or not," says Arthur Aron,
apsychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships
Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. "But
those things don't necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or
sustaining to the individual."
The notion that the best marriages are those that bring
satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After
all, isn't marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic
and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of
the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself.
But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership,
and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
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